I have nothing to say

Yeah, really.

Life is fine, but the creative/contemplative juices are not flowing. I guess I need a certain level of intensity to feel inspired, and that is not what I'm feeling right now. Primary care is busy and tiring, but not very intense. I'm in a disjointed program right now, where I work with a different doc every half day. Gets old quickly. Old people with MMP (multiple medical problems) brought in for diaper rash, overgrown toenails, med refills. Not particularly stimulating. Useful, of course, but just not very sexy.

Third year is almost over (yay), and the first few months of 4th year are beginning to loom over me, though only ever so slightly. Boards, residency applications, away rotations, acting internships. Busy, stressful. Thank god it's not now. I get nauseated just thinking about the new 1st year medical students who will be starting soon and all that they have ahead of them. Good luck, guys, and if you haven't turned in your tuition check yet, maybe think long and hard about other ways you could spend your 20s and 30s.

Of course, I don't have any regrets. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be pretty satisfied with my career. It fits me well - for good and bad reasons. I also can't say I had too many delusions when i first started. The things I feared the worse never actually happened.

There is no denying, however, that I gave important things up for these past 3 years and I have years of giving to go. Also, though I knew that doctors are imperfect and have limitations, there was no way I could have understood just how ambiguous the practice of medicine is. We know a hell of a lot, times ten, and yet the more we learn, the more that old adage about knowing how little we know becomes true. The good doctors are overeducated, overworked pharmacists/therapists/health educators, the bad ones are dangerous.