to be

i told a friend of mine today that things happened for a reason. it seemed like a trite statement the mintute it left my lips. i don't actually believe that they do, but i believe that when things happen to us -bad things and good things- it is what we make of them that come to define these events. so much of life is about creating the reasons and giving meaning to the experiences that we have. sometimes, when everything is crappy, that even means fighting for meaning. there have been a few things in my life or in the lives of those i love that have been so painful that trying to find meaning in them has seemed almost cold and disrespectful. and yet, if we do not give them meaning, or a reason, what are we left with?

again, i think it is about choice-- about choosing to believe in a meaning, however one chooses to believe. for me, these meanings must be more rational and practical than spiritual. i have to see an outcome to believe it, and often, i find myself forcing an outcome to happen just so that there is a reason to the pain that came before it. kind of picking up the pieces and molding something out of them. i think that learning to do that in a way that keeps me honest to who i am gives meaning to life itself...hmmm, is that a circular argument?