I've had a remarkably chill week. I'm on outpatient clinics and because we have too many students signed up right now, there are not enough patients for us to see. Yesterday, my two clinics were cancelled and I stayed home, cleaned my apartment, went on a walk through spring blossoming midtown and checked out a new nearby cafe. Not bad.
The last two weeks have been similar, with weekends filled with hiking and movie nights or bar trips with friends. I'm climbing twice a week and finally starting to feel a bit of improvement. Again - no complaints.
The sad thing about medical school is, that taking sanity breaks like this is actually disconcerning. You mean I don't have to study all weekend long and can go exercise and see the sun? but...but... what if I fall behind?
I've been so reved up, for so long, that I don't know how to take a break. I'm worried. I should be doing things. I'm not learning enough. I'm forgetting what I learned, minute by minute.
That fear actually causes me to build up a nice wall of denial, so that when there are simple things to do, I procrastinate them away. I had to make a schedule yesterday for watering my plants (on the 10th, 20th and 30th of the month), washing my dishes (at least Tues/Thur/Sat) and -this is so sad- even hanging up my clothes. Otherwise, I cease to function. I work at work and I play at home. I feel like I have to relearn how to be an adult again.
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