I have become a poor excuse for a "blogger". There are many reasons for that, other than just sheer laziness and lack of creative drive. I'm on a rotation - Ob/Gyn - that I'm not particularly excited about, that's part of it. More likely, though, it is not as much the subject matter as the fact that I'm in my 5th third year rotation, and frankly, I'm a little fucking burned out.

It doesn't help that my schedule is random and inconsistent and I spend a lot of time in between classes, clinic and 24 hour labor&delivery shifts trying to figure out how to get the motivation to study, write my case report, do my taxes, plan my fourth year, and run around getting things done.

It doesn't help that the art of delivering babies is way out of my reach, so I just get to practice being fumbly with it and hoping that nothing goes wrong in between the moments when the midwife I work with is busy breathing/blinking and maybe not watching every little movement I make to make sure I don't cripple someone's child.

Staring at women's painfully exploding vaginas and trying to will the head to come out is really not my cup of tea, though I could see, if I got to practice on a thousand more babies, how the art of midwifery could really become facinating...maybe. But frankly, I find it very impersonal. One vagina after another, one slimy, crying baby after another. I meet mom in between painful contractions and she's obviously a bit distracted and so we never really connect. The kids I barely get to touch. It's even bad form for me to give them any attention between the time I cut the umbilical cord and the time mom is sewed up, clean up, and covered up. And at that point, everyone - understandably - has each other to focus on.

So I have no interesting stories for my blog - other than I got more plants for my house, including a bonsai tree I have set a goal to not kill for at least a year. ...Pictures to follow, since I don't have babies or dogs of my own to post photos of.